dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Randomize
