I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
