he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Bring me that man meat
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
