It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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