No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
The struggles of a small town man whore
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
