Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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