Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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