I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
