a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
