It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
