Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
