are you still at the devil's house?
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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