I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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