What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
