...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
