Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
