So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Duck Duck Cougar?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
