i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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