wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize