I've blown a few things in my day
well you can't waste a boner
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
