I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
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