He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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