Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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