i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
