Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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