I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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