My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Damn victory sex feels great
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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