from now on my penis is your penis
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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