if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I forgot wine drunk hurts
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
