he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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