I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
