i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
