mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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