OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
