you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
no more duck duck goose at the bar
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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