I just made out with a guy for $7.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize