i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
