I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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