so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
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