can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
