I swear she didn't look like that last week.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
