I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
