You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
