I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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