your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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