It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
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