White coat. Heels.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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