Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
