you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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