We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
