another moral hangover. fuck.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Randomize
