sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
