Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I have post one night stand depression
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
