we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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