Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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