Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
