I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
