i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
