So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
