In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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