conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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