i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
